So you have met, started dating or even fell in love with someone from a different cultural background. They are so very interesting and you find yourself learning something new everyday. In this quest of discovery not only are you intrigued and excited, you may often feel somewhat perplexed by some of the contrasting aspects.

When I met my husband, who is from the Caribbean, I was more than willing to learn about his culture. Since it was his choice to move to America, I assumed that he was equally interested in learning about mine in return. However, I soon came to find that learning about someone’s culture does not constitute a willingness to assimilate or accept certain things. No matter were you live, your faith, culture, language and traditions are things that make you unique, it makes you the person you are. So the idea of compromising them, even for love is a big sacrifice.

While, I knew the person I was dating was an individual and saw me as such, not defined by our national ethnicity, I still felt as if I had to work against some stereotypes. I examined and re-examined my authentic self. Perhaps I did fall into some of his preconceived notions about African American women. I had some of my “sister girl” attitude on deck and it was only a matter of time before she showed herself. Then I thought, just maybe he fell into some of my preconceived notions about Jamaican men. The “crazy” on his end, was perhaps brewing under the surface waiting for me to cross him in some way, so it could also make its grand entrance.

In any relationship, it takes time for the real you to shine through. The first few months are simply your “representative” putting your best face forward. Things don’t really bother your representative, they are always willing to be so accommodating. They seem to always muster up a hearty giggle even to the stalest jokes. They have the best manners and always remember to flush.

So when cultural diversity comes into play your representative has to really step their game up. For example, they shouldn’t ask someone to repeat the same thing too many times, even when they still don’t understand, after asking twice. Oh, and please do not under any circumstances turn your nose up at one of those traditional dishes that has an especially unique texture smell or taste. However, from my experience your representative has to have a shorter life when you step into this arena of complexity, that is if truly want to overcome barriers that could inhibit your ability to understand and embrace someone vastly different.

There are definitely few things to keep in mind as you start this journey. First take time to embrace things that make you unique. Explain to your partner and loved ones the importance of key things from your cultural environment. These things will be major factors that contribute to maintainng and growing your relationship over time. You will ultimately find that you cannot move forward operating under one or the other’s cultural norms, but you will need to create your own, that’s a combination of the two.

Communicate your needs and beliefs are on a continuous basis. Do not assume that the other person knows or even understands things about your culture. Things that may be common knowledge to you are not necessary common knowledge for the other person. Help them to understand the reasons behind certain traditions, foods or religious beliefs.

Understand that language is very personal and intimate. If language or dialect creates barriers, work to help the other person better comprehend your intent, which may not always come across smoothly. It is very important not to be dismissive, when language falls short in communicating your message.

Drop the stereotypes! Most people may believe that they are above stereotyping and prejudices. I’m here to tell you, they are not. Even if your stereotypical view is positive, it may not be true. Making generic assumptions can hinder the cohesion of your relationship. Each person is an individual and as in any relationship, stay away from generalities. Get to know the person, their background, ideas, views and dreams. You may be surprised by what you find out if you take time to ask.